This post is inspired by a dinner I had with one of my best friends where we spent over 3 hours sharing our mommy struggles and laughing so hard we cried. Before PJ was born, I thought this parenting thing was a piece of cake. Please, give me something harder to do like bridging the space time continuum. I am a woman who can admit when she is wrong, and peeps, I was way off my rocker when I thought I had this parenting thing down pat. Sure, Kylie had her moments, what kid doesn't, but she is overall a well behaved child who never gave us any reason to panic (minus the peanut allergy, which is completely out of her control). By the time I was well into my pregnancy with PJ, Kylie was nearly 4 years old, in preschool, potty trained for 2.5 years, could sit still through a movie (shoot even 2 movies if we let her), dressing herself, feeding herself with little mess and had been sleeping through the night since she was 4 months old. We were completely spoiled parents, totally naïve as to how far we could be pushed to the brink of complete insanity. The first year of PJ's life was a complete blur to me, mostly due to the lack of sleep and zombie like status it caused trying to juggle a full time job, maintaining a household, a baby who needed to eat 24/7 like he was a squirrel stockpiling acorns for a long winter and last but not least, attending to the firstborn child as easy as she is. On February 7, 2013 our world got turned upside down, sideways, then right side up again. I wish I could say that it's a boy thing, why some kids make us work so much harder than others, but I have come to find out through sharing experiences with other parents that the mischievous gene affects both the X and Y chromosomes equally. As such, here are 10 reasons why I often confuse my toddler with a dog. (Not calling my kid a dog, I'm just saying he's got very canine like tendencies.)
1. Eats out of the garbage
Apparently, I do not feed this boy nearly as much as he would like or fast enough. Several times a day I find him dumpster diving for leftovers, pieces of plastic, paper, basically anything he can fit in his mouth, tastiness need not apply. If you happen to know me and my penchant for cleanliness, then you can envision the horror on my face when I make this daily discovery.
2. Runs to the door at the sound of any activity
Whether it's Daddy coming home, the UPS guy, or a random neighbor kid looking to retrieve their soccer ball, I have to implore the "open the door just a crack, and use your left leg to hold the baby back" technique. Is there a technical term for this? If not, someone should trademark that, because all parents of runaway toddlers know what I'm talking about here. If I didn't hold the dude back, he'd likely make a run for it shoes or no shoes, pants or no pants. Imagine Will Ferrell in "Old School" running the streets naked, just in a diaper and 1/5 the size.
3. Slobber much?
This occurred more so when he was younger, but still applicable today. Why even bother with a bib? He can soak right through one in 30 seconds, plus the shirt behind it. I've looked in his mouth sometimes wondering if he's some kind of mutant human with an extra spout that spews saliva. Maybe I've watched too many X-Men movies and it's wishful thinking that all that excess liquid could be some sort of untapped super power.
4. Chews on everything
I get it, the whole teeth phenomenon is new to him, but not sure how long my appendages can take all the nipping and biting. If the state of his binkies (pacifiers for all you non-parents) are any indication of the level of strength his jaws are able to produce, I probably should just start using him to open all my canned goods.
5. Basic Commands - Work in Progress
We're still trying to master the "No!" and "Sit still!" commands. I know he understands what I'm saying, it's pretty obvious since he's looking at me square in the eyes with a devilish smirk on his face as he blatantly disobeys me. Loves to play this game at restaurants too, as he proceeds to clear the table of any condiments, place settings, glasses, etc. Needless to say, our family are not frequent diners of Spago or Morton's. (More like Chuck E. Cheese and takeout.)
6. Fetch
Nothing's more entertaining than watching your older child play "Fetch" with her baby brother. In all fairness, the game started out as "Catch", but baby bro is still working out the logistics. Running the ball back to the person who threw it to you is much more efficient than aiming and throwing it back apparently. It could also possibly indicate a future as an NFL running back.
7. Lost Puppy
He's definitely not lost, just likes to follow me around everywhere. And when I say everywhere, I mean anywhere. I sacrifice an extra 20 minutes of sleep every morning so that I can do my bathroom business in private. His eyes are still closed as he stumbles into the bathroom to take a seat on my lap every single morning. Without fail. Did I mention that it was every single morning? It's like he's equipped with some kind of Momdar that sends a GPS signal when his skin is no longer touching mine. Maybe my mutant theory about him and his super powers isn't wrong after all....
8. ENTHUSIASTIC!
Everything is exciting to this kid! He loves when I blow on his belly and it makes a farting sound! He loves running around in circles! He loves eating donuts! He loves chasing the butterflies! He loves to pop bubbles! He loves peekaboo! If he had a tail, it'd probably be wagging all the time!
9. Obsessed with the toilet
I've lost count of how many instances I've caught this boy splish splashing around in the toilet. Thank goodness I don't use 2000 Flushes which turns the water blue, or else I might find him head first in there attempting to take a drink. Refer to item #1, regarding the horror on my germophobic face when this occurs.
10. A Mommy's best friend
This is by far the greatest comparison. Both my kids are indeed my best friends, and at the toddler age when they aren't quite aware of what friends are yet, Mommy is definitely numero uno in their book. He enjoys our morning snuggles and watching Yo Gabba Gabba, discussing the latest adventures of DJ Lance and friends over a sippy cup of milk. He helps me with my Target shopping by using his arm to swipe all the products into the cart (which will come in handy if we ever decide to compete on Supermarket Sweep). He likes to share his goldfish crackers and grapes by hand feeding them to me like I'm Cleopatra (now that I think about it, I'm hoping it is before he stuck his paws in the john). If I stub my toe or hurt myself, he's the first to kiss Mommy's "ouchies" just like I kiss his. Best of all, he adores me just as much as I adore him, and there's no doubt that he'll be my best bud forever.
